(Technology) Terror on Wheels

I knew right from the start of our relationship my husband's true love (besides me, hopefully) was his cars. I really do admire his long term committment to that common form of transportation. However, through the years, it has become apparent that our thoughts on the subject are quite different.

When we got married and we bought my first car, he nicely suggested that anything that is put into the car in the morning be taken out the same day. He respected the automobile so much that he wanted it treated carefully. I had no problem with this. After all, I usually only had my purse and maybe a bag for work.

Fast forward six years...

Our son was born in 1997 and things were never the same. In addition to my purse, I needed to bring a diaper bag full of stuff to clean, change, and feed this new person. Often while in motion, I would need to reach back from the driver's seat (I know...not safe) and give the baby his pacifier or blankie, etc. Inevitably some things would fall on the floor and stay there for weeks. Anyway, the rule of 'you bring it in and take it out the same day' didn't last.

But I digress.

As I have said in the past, all this new technology drives me crazy. It has now entered the domain of the motor vehicle. My husband loves all the bells and whistles that are available and after buying vehicles with these features, I now insist on simple old fashioned controls. My truck has six buttons on the radio so I can choose which station I want. The heating and cooling controls are knobs that I can turn to control the air.

Today I left my truck home so my husband could pack it for our trip to the Adirondacks this weekend when he comes home from work. He left his car for me to drive. I've only driven it once or twice before so I'm not quite used to it yet.

First issue I have: Instead of a key, it has a fob that you carry on your person. When you get close enough to the car, you simply press the open key on the fob. Once inside the car, you just turn the ignition, no key required, to start the car. As long as the fob is near you, you don't have to worry about a key. This makes no sense to me. Isn't it just as easy to carry a key with a fob? Once you put the key in the ignition you don't have to worry where your keys are. When I ask my husband the reason for this unnecessary technology, he just says that it's cool. OK. I'll buy that.

Next, I pulled out of the driveway and wanted to turn on my favorite morning radio station. This vehicle has GPS with that annoying screen that you're not supposed to look at while you're driving. This was not a problem since it was in night mode and the screen was dark. As I was driving and listening to an annoying station, I tried to figure out how to change it. With one eye on the road and one eye on the screen I kept pushing buttons hoping to find the magic button that would lead me to my station.

Just when I started screaming , I tried one more button, and my friendly DJ's were talking to me. My heart calmed down. Next, I needed to find out what time it was so I could tell if I'd be late to work or not. I knew, from riding in the passenger seat, the the clock was on the top right of the screen. Unfortunately, the screen was still in night mode and I couldn't quite see the time. Oh well. I figured I'd get to work when I got there. No big deal. Then the car started to get hot inside.

I turned my attention to the three evil buttons below the GPS screen. I knew this thing had climate control, one of the most horrible inventions ever, so I realized my work was cut out for me. Luckily, I just turned the knob from 'auto' to regular and was able to turn down the heat.

After all this I was feeling much better and decided to watch the GPS in action. I knew enough to push the 'Navi' button to get the map. This was useless, however, since the damn thing was still in night mode and I couldn't see anything. When I get really frustrated, I have learned to take a deep breath and realize that it is not a big deal. I didn't need the map. I had been taking this route for ten years now so who cared if I followed the map?

I finally pulled into the driveway at work and parked the car. I started to turn of the ignition when I saw the screen turn to day mode. This car has a vendetta against me, I swear. It was laughing at me since it had the last say in the matter. I got out of this beast of rubber and metal, fob in hand. I locked it and didn't look back. Right now I'm safely in the building and the evil vehicle is outside waiting for me to get done with work. I think I'm ready for the battle later on knowing what I know now. I have the fob on my desk and I'm keeping a close eye on it. You never know when it will attack.

I just know that when I get home, my husband will have a big smile on his face and ask, "How was the car?". I hope he's ready for me to throw daggers at him with my eyes.