Through the years I have observed how animals mark their territory in different ways. My dog(s) have always shown their superiority by marking every tree in sight even though they are 'fixed'. It's fascinating to me because I have to get a life. Actually I have always thought it a strange way to declare their turf.
I experienced this yesterday but not with my dogs.
It's routine in our house that my husband gets home from work and gets the kids off of the bus. They are trained to know that the first order of work, after snacks, is to do their homework. By the time I get home the homework is done. It's a great system since they don't have a chance to procrastinate.
Yesterday, after a dental procedure, I went home for the day and was able to get the kids. My husband stayed late at work since I would be there. The kids walked in and got their snacks. Soon after, with a bit of prodding, they started their homework. I went upstairs to pick up.
"Mom!," my son yelled, "I need you!"
I went downstairs to see him working on his math homework. I like to pride myself on the fact that I aced calculus in college. I explained how to solve the problem, carefully watching him to make sure he understood me. He seemed confident and the next answers were correct.
Not long after I heard, "Mom, I need you!"
He was on another section on his math homework that was puzzling him. I went downstairs again to teach him how to simplify and solve the problem. As I was doing so my husband got home from work.
"How's it going?" he asked as he walked in.
"It's good", we replied and went back to math problems. My husband sauntered over and looked at the work we were doing.
"Are you showing him how to do it", he asked,looking intently at me, "or are you doing it for him?"
I peered up at him from over my glasses and said, "I'm showing him, duh. I'm not a moron."
He quickly shot back, "Well I don't want HIM to be a moron."
What had gotten into my husband that he would think so ill of me? That wasn't like him at all! All of a sudden it occurred to me:
I had peed on his tree!
I had invaded his territory by helping my son with his homework, a task he usually undertakes. Maybe it's an instinctive behavior for all males to be territorial, but I hadn't realized I had tread into such forbidden territory. I guess even the gentlest of giants can still have these instincts.
After realizing this was a result of such primitive behaviors, I didn't take it personally. The pack leader in my house is still the most wonderful man I know.
...But he'd better not talk to me like that again!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
My Toughest Critic
As I was walking the trails at our nearby nature park, I decided what I wanted to write about. All around me were lots of nordic hats and spandex. Attached to these creatures were sticks on their feet and in their hands. I know I am a little bitter about cross-country skiers, which I wrote about earlier, but they closed off all my trails again today since there's enough snow to ski on. Once again I'm on the pee wee trails. But I digress...
Anyway, I've had an interesting few weeks.
After vacation we got settled back into our routine. It always takes a while to adjust to reality but we did fine. One evening my 7 year old daughter looked at me closely.
"Mom", she said carefully, "No offense, but all the mothers I know who are in their forties look like they're in their forties, but you look like you're in your fifties. No offense mom."
A lot of people would be offended but I considered the source. Here was the girl who wore high-water pants and shirts with holes in them because they were her favorites. I admit my clothes are a bit matronly, and I seldom wear make-up because I frankly can't stand it. My hair was getting too long and puffy and the gray was showing.
"Stay there", she said, "I'm going to go get some make-up to make you look younger".
I quietly sat there expecting the worst. I wasn't disappointed. She came downstairs with all of my old make-up, a brush and a ponytail holder. First she took a handful of hair from the back of my head and made a small ponytail. Next she applied the make-up very carefully. I had blush on my cheeks and blue eyeshadow applied to my eyes. The lipstick she put on me was crooked. She stepped back and looked at me.
"That looks much better!" she exclaimed.
The little fashion diva skipped merrily away. I looked in the mirror and sighed. Not long after I had to go to the store so I washed it off, took out the ponytail and brushed my hair. As I was leaving, she came to kiss me good-bye.
"Why did you take it off?" she asked. Looking for a good excuse I told her, "My face was already dirty and it was bothering me. Sorry".
"That's OK", she said and went back to play.
I started to look at myself and I really didn't like what I saw. I don't usually critique myself since I don't get into all the hair and make-up stuff, but I saw an old looking disheveled woman. Luckily I had a hair appointment the next week.
As I was waiting for my turn I looked in books to see what cut I wanted to try. I finally found one and my hair dresser cut and highlighted it to hide some of the gray. I really loved the results since it made me look years younger. With great confidence I drove home. I couldn't wait to hear what my family thought.
I went in the house and my son was in the kitchen. He looked at me and said, "Wow, Mom, I really like it!"
One down, two to go.
My husband was in the next room. "I like your hair!", he said. Coming from him, this was a great compliment. It worked! I thought.
Finally, Miss Beauty Consultant came in.
"WHAT DID YOU DO, MOM???!!! I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL! YOU LOOK REALLY OLD. I WANT YOU TO GROW IT BACK!", she said rather crossly.
Trying not to laugh, I asked her, "Don't you think the highlights cover my gray?"
"You don't have gray! I can't BELIEVE you did that! I hate it, no offense".
Needless to say my daughter is very opinionated.
The next day I went to the drugstore to buy some new make-up that would be easy to apply in the morning. I'm not a big fan of lipstick but my lips are nondescript so I bought some. I knew this would add to my new look. Sure enough all the lines in my face disappeared and I looked fresher and more vibrant (..sounds like a commercial). I went proudly downstairs
"Are you wearing lipstick Mom?" she asked.
"As a matter of fact I am", I said smiling.
"Well, it doesn't look any different, no offense", was her observation.
I guess the most important thing is that no matter what I look like my family still loves me. I'll still try to make myself look younger, but I won't take forever applying make-up and doing my hair. I don't have the patience.
Maybe someday my daughter will give up the mismatched socks and the outfits that don't go together at all. Maybe someday she won't look like a waif.
No offense.
Anyway, I've had an interesting few weeks.
After vacation we got settled back into our routine. It always takes a while to adjust to reality but we did fine. One evening my 7 year old daughter looked at me closely.
"Mom", she said carefully, "No offense, but all the mothers I know who are in their forties look like they're in their forties, but you look like you're in your fifties. No offense mom."
A lot of people would be offended but I considered the source. Here was the girl who wore high-water pants and shirts with holes in them because they were her favorites. I admit my clothes are a bit matronly, and I seldom wear make-up because I frankly can't stand it. My hair was getting too long and puffy and the gray was showing.
"Stay there", she said, "I'm going to go get some make-up to make you look younger".
I quietly sat there expecting the worst. I wasn't disappointed. She came downstairs with all of my old make-up, a brush and a ponytail holder. First she took a handful of hair from the back of my head and made a small ponytail. Next she applied the make-up very carefully. I had blush on my cheeks and blue eyeshadow applied to my eyes. The lipstick she put on me was crooked. She stepped back and looked at me.
"That looks much better!" she exclaimed.
The little fashion diva skipped merrily away. I looked in the mirror and sighed. Not long after I had to go to the store so I washed it off, took out the ponytail and brushed my hair. As I was leaving, she came to kiss me good-bye.
"Why did you take it off?" she asked. Looking for a good excuse I told her, "My face was already dirty and it was bothering me. Sorry".
"That's OK", she said and went back to play.
I started to look at myself and I really didn't like what I saw. I don't usually critique myself since I don't get into all the hair and make-up stuff, but I saw an old looking disheveled woman. Luckily I had a hair appointment the next week.
As I was waiting for my turn I looked in books to see what cut I wanted to try. I finally found one and my hair dresser cut and highlighted it to hide some of the gray. I really loved the results since it made me look years younger. With great confidence I drove home. I couldn't wait to hear what my family thought.
I went in the house and my son was in the kitchen. He looked at me and said, "Wow, Mom, I really like it!"
One down, two to go.
My husband was in the next room. "I like your hair!", he said. Coming from him, this was a great compliment. It worked! I thought.
Finally, Miss Beauty Consultant came in.
"WHAT DID YOU DO, MOM???!!! I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL! YOU LOOK REALLY OLD. I WANT YOU TO GROW IT BACK!", she said rather crossly.
Trying not to laugh, I asked her, "Don't you think the highlights cover my gray?"
"You don't have gray! I can't BELIEVE you did that! I hate it, no offense".
Needless to say my daughter is very opinionated.
The next day I went to the drugstore to buy some new make-up that would be easy to apply in the morning. I'm not a big fan of lipstick but my lips are nondescript so I bought some. I knew this would add to my new look. Sure enough all the lines in my face disappeared and I looked fresher and more vibrant (..sounds like a commercial). I went proudly downstairs
"Are you wearing lipstick Mom?" she asked.
"As a matter of fact I am", I said smiling.
"Well, it doesn't look any different, no offense", was her observation.
I guess the most important thing is that no matter what I look like my family still loves me. I'll still try to make myself look younger, but I won't take forever applying make-up and doing my hair. I don't have the patience.
Maybe someday my daughter will give up the mismatched socks and the outfits that don't go together at all. Maybe someday she won't look like a waif.
No offense.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Vacation!
I'm back. It's been awhile since I've written. My family and I went to Florida last week to visit the famous rodent in Orlando. We always stay on site since there is so much to offer. At our resort we could take a boat to Downtown Disney every day where there are shops and restaurants. We also get free transportation to the theme parks. The pools there are wonderful and the kids spent lots of time in them.
I've always loved Disney but in the last few years, I feel the tug of rampant consumerism eminating throughout the 'Kingdom'. It seems like everything you see is extremely overpriced. I had forgotten my hair conditioner at home. If I don't use it I look like a badly groomed poodle. I went into the store at the resort to find some. A tiny bottle of conditioner (1 oz.) was $1.69. I won't pay that at home for a regular bottle! Unfortunately my hair was crying out for the stuff so I paid for two bottles.
When we checked into the hotel the first day my husband gave each of the kids 50 Disney Dollars (equivalent to $50.00 US). Usually when we go to the 'Kingdom' they would see things they wanted. My husband and I would try to figure out who got what and how much money had been spent. This time was different. The kids had to learn how to budget their own money. When it was gone, it was gone.
Immediately after checking in they wanted to go to the store in the resort that had all kinds of Disney stuff (clothes, animals, housewares, etc.). My 7 year old daughter went right to the stuffed animals, her passion, to see what she wanted to buy. She had picked up one she loved. As I watched, she looked at the price and put it down. "I'm going to wait on this because I might find something I like better later", she stated. Unbelievably we walked out of the store empty handed.
The next night we went to Downtown Disney and walked around. We went into the childrens' clothing department.
"Can you believe these prices?", she said to me. "I can't believe how high they are!"
"Look at this!", my husband exclaimed, pointing to a shirt. "Do you like it?"
My daughter went over and looked at the price tag.
"It's nice, Dad, but look at the price! It's ridiculous! You can buy it for me if you want, but I'm not paying that price out of my own money!"
It's as if a light had gone on.
The next stop was at the LEGO store. It's my son's favorite place in the whole world. They carry every kind of LEGO that was ever invented. I knew this was where he would spend most of his money.
We wandered around a while, but my daughter and I left for a while as the boys looked around. Around 20 minutes later we returned to find my son empty handed.
"Didn't you find anything?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I'm going to wait. I have to figure out what I really might want later in the week to make sure I'm making the right decision", he replied.
I was wondering what had happened to my children. Although we certainly don't buy them everything they want at home because of our rules, it was usually open season at Disney. Not this time, though.
All week I would watch them looking around. They looked at the items and the prices and learned what they could and could not live without. In the end they came home having spent all of their $50.00. Of course, Grandma gave them an extra ten dollars each near the end for which they were incredibly grateful. It was like Christmas all over again.
I have to admit it was so hard to watch them debate over how they were going to spend their precious money but at the same time it was quite rewarding to see them learn about budgeting. Our jobs at parents and teachers was working.
I stopped giving weekly allowances several years ago. As their passbooks would fill up they felt we should go shopping and use it. Now they get no allowance but have more chores. They sometimes complain but they need to know that they are a part of the family and chores should not be monetarily rewarded. We all have to work together to keep things going. I haven't heard complaints for quite a while now. I've also told my mother she is not to pay them for helping her around her house and yard. The reward should be higher self-esteem and self-satisfaction.
It just seems that people today are so used to getting what they want regardless of the consequences. Their houses can't be big enough. Their cars can't be fancy enough. Their children can never be imperfect no matter what the cost. Their debts are out of control because they believe they are entitled to anything they want.
How sad.
I've always loved Disney but in the last few years, I feel the tug of rampant consumerism eminating throughout the 'Kingdom'. It seems like everything you see is extremely overpriced. I had forgotten my hair conditioner at home. If I don't use it I look like a badly groomed poodle. I went into the store at the resort to find some. A tiny bottle of conditioner (1 oz.) was $1.69. I won't pay that at home for a regular bottle! Unfortunately my hair was crying out for the stuff so I paid for two bottles.
When we checked into the hotel the first day my husband gave each of the kids 50 Disney Dollars (equivalent to $50.00 US). Usually when we go to the 'Kingdom' they would see things they wanted. My husband and I would try to figure out who got what and how much money had been spent. This time was different. The kids had to learn how to budget their own money. When it was gone, it was gone.
Immediately after checking in they wanted to go to the store in the resort that had all kinds of Disney stuff (clothes, animals, housewares, etc.). My 7 year old daughter went right to the stuffed animals, her passion, to see what she wanted to buy. She had picked up one she loved. As I watched, she looked at the price and put it down. "I'm going to wait on this because I might find something I like better later", she stated. Unbelievably we walked out of the store empty handed.
The next night we went to Downtown Disney and walked around. We went into the childrens' clothing department.
"Can you believe these prices?", she said to me. "I can't believe how high they are!"
"Look at this!", my husband exclaimed, pointing to a shirt. "Do you like it?"
My daughter went over and looked at the price tag.
"It's nice, Dad, but look at the price! It's ridiculous! You can buy it for me if you want, but I'm not paying that price out of my own money!"
It's as if a light had gone on.
The next stop was at the LEGO store. It's my son's favorite place in the whole world. They carry every kind of LEGO that was ever invented. I knew this was where he would spend most of his money.
We wandered around a while, but my daughter and I left for a while as the boys looked around. Around 20 minutes later we returned to find my son empty handed.
"Didn't you find anything?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I'm going to wait. I have to figure out what I really might want later in the week to make sure I'm making the right decision", he replied.
I was wondering what had happened to my children. Although we certainly don't buy them everything they want at home because of our rules, it was usually open season at Disney. Not this time, though.
All week I would watch them looking around. They looked at the items and the prices and learned what they could and could not live without. In the end they came home having spent all of their $50.00. Of course, Grandma gave them an extra ten dollars each near the end for which they were incredibly grateful. It was like Christmas all over again.
I have to admit it was so hard to watch them debate over how they were going to spend their precious money but at the same time it was quite rewarding to see them learn about budgeting. Our jobs at parents and teachers was working.
I stopped giving weekly allowances several years ago. As their passbooks would fill up they felt we should go shopping and use it. Now they get no allowance but have more chores. They sometimes complain but they need to know that they are a part of the family and chores should not be monetarily rewarded. We all have to work together to keep things going. I haven't heard complaints for quite a while now. I've also told my mother she is not to pay them for helping her around her house and yard. The reward should be higher self-esteem and self-satisfaction.
It just seems that people today are so used to getting what they want regardless of the consequences. Their houses can't be big enough. Their cars can't be fancy enough. Their children can never be imperfect no matter what the cost. Their debts are out of control because they believe they are entitled to anything they want.
How sad.
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