The Greatest Gift

Over the past few years I've purged a lot of 'stuff' from my house. As I do it, I'll remember all the memories these things brought me. Several times when I've moved from house to house I'll find an old record album from my high school days. Back then there were no video tapes, only records. This one was recorded during the New York State Field Band Championships in 1978. The music from the four highest scoring bands was recorded. That year, my senior year, we won first place in our category among New York State marching bands. I remember how hard we worked to get there. I was in the percussion section and had been for years. I played the xylophone in the band and after five years had become quite good at it. That year our percussion solo highlighted the xylophone in it's performance. I remember the pride I felt when my playing was recognized. That year, our drum line was voted the best in the state.

I looked at the old record album each time I cleaned. Several times I was tempted to throw it out but something always made me hold onto it. I felt that someday my children might appreciate hearing their mother solo in a packed stadium.

Fast forward many years.

I was cleaning again a few weeks ago and saw the album. I remembered that my mother still had a record player in her living room so I took the album with me when we went to visit.

"Do you want to hear Mommy play the xylophone in the band?", I asked them. Their eyes lit up. "Oh yeah!" they replied. I put the album in the player and started it.

Immediately I remembered back to that day it was recorded almost thirty years ago. It didn't seem possible it was that long ago, but I could clearly hear each instrument. When it came to the drum solo I said, "Hey kids, here it is!". They pulled their eyes away from the TV for only a few seconds before watching it again.

"Can you hear Mommy?", my mother asked from her chair.

"Yeah," they replied, their eyes glazed over.

When it was over, I quietly put the album away. Then it hit me. I was the one who lived that experience. I was the one who put in so many hours practicing. They just heard a lot of music that could have come from anywhere. They didn't understand the level of competition we were facing.

Over the next few hours I thought about it. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself but so many things I had accomplished in my life filled my brain. I was so proud when I got accepted to Cornell University. After a LOT of hard work and effort I graduated. My diploma was mounted on a piece of mahogany and it hung on my wall for years. My old t-shirts and sweatshirts with the Cornell logo are carefully stored in my closet. All the pictures and things I had collected those years are in a box waiting for who-knows-what.

Then the tears came.

My poor husband was there when I let loose.

"No one cares!" I cried.

"What are you talking about?"

"The kids could have cared less about my championship competition. They have no idea how hard I worked to get there", I choked. "No one knows how hard I worked to graduate from a college filled with extraordinarily smart people. I had to work a lot harder than them to keep up!"

The strangest thing about all this was that I had no self pity. It was more of a realization about life. We all have things we are proud of and the only person who really appreciates our efforts is ourselves. It's nice to have some recognition, but it's better to have the self-satisfaction of a job well done.

My poor hubby just stood there looking at me. He knows that I tend to ramble and get dramatic when I'm upset so he just listened.

On Christmas morning our kids woke us up at 7:00. We went downstairs and watched them open their presents. It's so wonderful to see the excitement on their faces. When the mayhem was over I looked at the pile of gifts that were waiting for me.

My kids gave me such thoughtful things that they had picked out themselves. Then I started opening the presents from my husband. He got me two crystal ornaments I had asked for so I was thrilled. Then I looked down to see another gift he had for me.

Curious to see what was inside I opened it carefully. It was a shirt box. I opened it to find a beautiful red fleece jacket. Embroidered on the top was 'Cornell University'. Under the jacket was a car sticker that said 'Cornell Alumni'.

Just when I think my husband can't be any more thoughtful, he does it again. He knew how important it was for me to remember my past.

The greatest accomplishment of my life was not excelling in music or receiving an Ivy League diploma. It was finding a person that truly cares about the feelings of others; especially mine.

It's That Time Again???!!!!!

It's that time of year again. It's Christmas time! All of the little kids are so excited! My own kids couldn't wait to decorate the house and put up the tree. Now that I'm older it's harder to get into the spirit since there is so much work involved. It's nice to have the kids bring up boxes from downstairs but it's still overwhelming thinking of where to put things and having to clean up later. The reward, though, is seeing the kids pull the decorations out of the boxes. I'll hear them saying, '..I remember this!' and 'We HAVE to put this one up this year'. It's such a magical time of year for children. I just wish I could have such energy.

When I was a child I remember nagging my mother to get the decorations down. I couldn't understand why she wasn't as excited as I was. We'd have to wait and wait until my mom or dad would get the ladder out in the garage and retrieve the old boxes filled with treasures. The second I saw one I was transported to the magical time of year that held such joy. Once inside, the boxes were lined up in the living room. I associate the smell of musty cardboard boxes to Christmas. The tree decorations were individually wrapped in tissue paper that had gotten darker and more aromatic each year. With each ornament I unwrapped I would get more excited. Back then I didn't think about money or work or any other problems that are present now. I was caught up in the moment. Looking back, I never even fathomed that Christmas would change in years to come.

My husband and I celebrated Christmas in our house by ourselves for several years after we were married. I would decorate, but it wasn't the kind of decorating I had done as a child. Our new living room furniture was cranberry and green fabric along with nice end tables. I went and bought a lot of ribbon in those colors to make bows. I attached bows to each of the branches and finished by draping a gold ribbon all around the tree. It was truly beautiful, but something was missing.

Where were all the mismatched decorations I remembered from childhood? Where was that papery smell that enveloped the house when the decorations were opened? Why did all the decorations stay in the same place the whole season without being disturbed in any manner?

Well, what goes around comes around. After several years we were blessed with our two children. We may be older parents, but it is such a joy seeing our children acting just like we did. The nagging is still the same. The wonder is still the same. The excitement is still the same.

I'll try to place the stuffed Santa in the rocking chair and put the nativity together only to later find the Santa on the floor and Mary and Joseph on the roof of the manger. My snow village will get rearranged several times throughout the season in strange ways.

This is the Christmas I now love. Seeing the season through my childrens' eyes is so satisfying. I guess Christmas IS for children, but I'll selfishly share their joy at the magic of the season.

Here I Go Again

I have obsessive/compulsive disorder. When I get something on my mind I can't rest until I come to a complete resolution. That's why I'm going to write about money again.

I live is a very nice neighborhood. Everyone has at least two cars. Their lawns are perfectly manicured. Their kids are dressed quite well. I'm definitely in the wrong place.

Our landscaping is pretty poor, to say the least. It's required in our community to have your house properly landscaped. We try to keep up with it, but the weeds are winning.

I don't care.

Our back deck shows signs that people actually live in my house. Until recently we had a broken metal table outside with an umbrella (the umbrella is safely in the garage). The glass on the table shattered when the rusted joints on the legs gave way. It's been there for a year.

I don't care.

A friend of my son's proclaimed several weeks ago that 'my mom doesn't buy me anything'. I looked him full in the face and said, "What did you just say?"

"Well, she's always buying shoes and clothes for herself."

This woman is a dear friend of mine. She always looks nice and they can afford to have nice things. The boy doesn't want for anything. Unfortunately this seems to be the norm these days.

Just the other day I had my kids in the car. We were talking about how to manage money (my idea) and they said that they can't understand why others in the neighborhood have pools or every video game ever invented. They weren't complaining. I guess they were just questioning why people make the choices they do.

I explained to them how we take so much for granted. We have warm homes and plenty of food. Our clothes are not tattered.

"Did you know", I explained, "that some people in other countries live in cardboard boxes? They have no running water and they go hungry most of the time. I saw a picture last week of a child who used a plastic bag for a blanket."

They were incredulous but it didn't take long for them to forget the plight of others.

I watched a television program a few years ago about a typical family from New Jersey. They had two children; a preteen girl and a 10 year old boy. All their lives they were given everything they wanted. It got to the point where they complained if they didn't have the latest thing like their friends. Their parents had enough.

They took their children on a trip to Africa. They didn't stay in a nice hotel in a large city; rather, they took a 10 hour truck ride to a small village. Of course the kids were totally disgusted. They started crying and demanded to go home when they saw the living conditions. The people had to provide their own food and clothing with the resources that were available. The work ethic in that village was strong since their survival depended upon it.

The parents must have spoken to someone in the village to let them know that they were there to be contributing members in the community. The children had to work every day at tasks that were less than pleasant. They had to help clean the animals that were killed for food. They had to get water from a faraway resource. The list went on and on. They were disgusted that they were forced to do such tasks.

But slowly things changed. The kids learned to fall asleep early in order to get up and start their work. They noticed that EVERYONE was working hard. They realized that what they were doing contributed to everyone's survival.

The most amazing thing to them was how the people enjoyed themselves after their work was done. The smaller children played with sticks they found. The adults sang and danced in the evenings. They included the family in all their celebrations.

When their time was over the children were inconsolable. They had learned how to work and play hard. They realized that they weren't entitled to anything; it had to be earned. They didn't want to leave these incredible friends they had made. In the last part of the show it showed the family getting back on the truck to begin the 10 hour journey back to the airport. Even in the airplane they couldn't stop crying. The people in Africa were genuine. They knew how to maintain a successful community.

I suppose some could look at these people so far away in the middle of a desert and feel sorry for them. They have no modern conveniences. I don't feel sorry for them.

I envy them.

Say What???

I was recently reminiscing about the time when my son was small. Of course as I say time and time again, I can't believe how time flies. Anyway, I was remembering a time when he was around two years old. At that time he was in day care. The place was wonderful and his caregivers all loved him.

One day when I picked him up, there was a note on his daily activity record. The caregiver had written 'Danny has been saying B**** quite a bit today'. I was horrified but also quite puzzled. That was not like him at all. The next morning I dropped him off and talked to her.

"What happened exactly?", I asked. She replied, "yesterday we were all playing on the floor and the kids were crawling around. He kept saying 'b****, b*****'".

"I just don't understand!", I said, totally confused, "We don't say that at home. We don't swear at all at home. What was he doing when he said it?"

"Well, the kids were crawling around. I was sitting on the floor and he was crawling under my knees. He kept saying 'b****, b**** and we were all shocked".

I thought for a moment. Then it hit me.

"He wasn't saying b****; he was saying 'bridge'. His pronunciation isn't very good yet", I said, feeling a great sense of relief.

I left the daycare center feeling better, knowing that he wasn't picking up bad language.

The next evening my husband picked up our son. He too talked to the caregiver and they had a good laugh about the whole thing.

Before he left, my husband told her, "If you think that's bad, you should hear him say 'fork'".

Wilted

Every October my husband sends me roses for our anniversary. I love how they look when they arrive and, although I can't seem to arrange them well, it's nice to look at them and remember the day many years ago when we were married.

Recently my 7 year old daughter was in two cheerleading exhibitions. After each one my husband would present her with a rose to let her know how proud he was of her. She got so excited when we got home to find a vase and give them some water.

The exhibitions were about a week and a half after our anniversary. One morning I just stared at the two vases; mine with the droopy, wilted roses and hers with the bright cheery ones.

Is this the epitome of aging symbolism or what???

Financial Ramblings: Part 2

I just read what I wrote yesterday. It seemed like I was whining about what we don't have. That's not the case at all! I don't want new clothes or new furniture. I don't want a fancy dining room or an in-ground pool. I really don't care what other people think about some of our old furniture or worn out clothes. I think it's more important to spend your money on things You REALLY want, not what you need to impress other people.

That being said, my husband and I have made two major purchases this week. Although these are big ticket items, I justify them by not being frivolous in other places. Hubby found a fantastic deal on a plasma TV on the new 'Black Friday'; the Friday after Halloween. The price was still high, but it was something that would work great in his den. I convinced him to get it and I'm glad I did. Yesterday, though, he had second thoughts. It WAS still a lot of money and he couldn't justify it. But we don't splurge very often and we work really hard. I still believe he should keep it and enjoy.

We are also getting an invisible fence for the dogs. I get so sick of tying them outside. They get tangled around the deck posts and I have to always have to go out and retrieve them. Again, it will cost a lot of money, but I haven't bought any clothes for myself in months. My kids get hand-me-downs that are in perfect shape. I personally believe our clothing budget alone is extremely low. There are other categories of spending that we don't use much. I just feel that when there is a big ticket item, it's not that big of a splurge.

Anyway, back to my money ramblings... I think of generations past when money was scarce and people learned to live without. Their houses were not grand. Clothing was homemade. Any money that was earned was treated with great respect. They called it 'Yankee Thrift', but I call it good judgement.

Fast forward to our current generation.

I'm still amazed at the lavish lifestyles I see all around me. I won't go on about our neighborhood, but I see it everyday. When people make a certain amount of money, they make sure to spend it. If the generations of yesterday saw this, they would be horrified. I'm not suggesting that people with good jobs go without. I'm only saying that we should all be living below our means. We've changed our priorities. Instead of saving our money for emergencies, we take that money and buy the newest clothes or furniture, or take lavish vacations. We're not making money to live; rather, we are living to make money. Any one of us could certainly live with a lot less. The house that costs $100,000 is certainly just as warm and comfortable as the $400,000 house. There may not be as many rooms, but why do you need two extra bedrooms, two or three living rooms, or three or four bathrooms? Our house is modest in comparison to a lot of houses around us. But our kids use our bathroom to take showers even though they have their own bathroom. We have a spare bedroom for guests, but whatever happened to the children sleeping on the living room floor so guests could use their rooms? These days people don't want to inconvenience their children. No wonder kids have so little respect for adults!!

I think I was born into the wrong generation. I always seem to be going against the ideas of everyone around me. My frustration wears on me and I have to constantly remind myself to let it go. Actually my husband is always telling me to let it go and he's right. I can't change the world. I can't change the mindset of modern man. I guess if I'm happy with myself and the way we are raising our children, it doesnt' matter where the modern world is going.

I only hope I truly believe that.

The Root of All Evil

I've been ruminating over a topic lately that I tried to forget. When I dwell on it I just get confused and frustrated. It's a topic that is common to all of us.

It's money.

I look at the world today and can't possibly understand how people are managing their money. I don't think we're frivolous. We might spend less than $100.00 each month for clothes. My kids wear hand-me-downs from friends and neighbors. We've had the same living room furniture for 17 years. Our kitchen table and dining room set is 20 years old. I see no need to replace it since it's still in fine shape.

What I can't understand is how everyone around us lives like kings. I see many women wear the latest fashions. Their kids have clothes that actually match. Many in our neighborhood have in-ground swimming pools which, when a mandatory fence is added, can cost upwards of $30,000. Many of these women work within the home.

My husband can't understand why I obsess about all this. I certainly don't envy them with all of their stuff. I'm happy with my life. What I don't understand is how they can afford all of it. Are they inheriting money? Are they not saving for retirement? It seems they don't have any more money than us, but I marvel at their lifestyle.

When I was growing up my parents both worked. They had good jobs but certainly not high salaries. Back then they saved their money and bought cars for cash. My Dad built our house next to my grandmother's house. They had a mortgage but paid it off as quickly as they could. The idea of a 30 year loan was unheard of. Our furniture was old, but we never went without. We were able to go on vacation once a year and they managed to pay for most of our college education.

What has happened to our mindset? Why do we need all of the bells and whistles that are available today? Why can't we live within our means? My idea of buying a house when we got married was to start small. We had both saved up quite a bit of money since we worked for years before our marriage. There were lots of nice houses we looked at that would have worked, but in the end we built a house for almost 75% more than we originally planned. We could easily afford it, but after taxes and upkeep our savings didn't grow much.

For some reason I was never comfortable in that house. After ten years we decided to move. Our dream was always to live on a river. We had found a lot on the river in another development. After consulting with a financial planner we were assured that we could afford our dream house.

The house was grand! It had two story windows looking out on the river. The yard was over an acre and we had a three car garage. However after living in it for a few months, the mortgage and the upcoming taxes were overwhelming. Also, while visitors marveled at the house, I realized that I wasn't marvelled anymore. It just became another house, but was much more to clean. Not long after we decided to sell.

A man from California came into town and bought the house. We made quite a profit on it and again, I wanted to downsize in order to be more comfortable.

We now live in a neighborhood that is highly regulated as far as appearances go. When we moved here we had to make a decision quickly. The area was not what we were looking for, but it was close to everything. We had made quite a profit on our first two houses and hoped to buy our new home with no mortgage
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The first home we looked at wasn't our dream home, but it was new and we could have paid cash for it. Unfortunately someone put an offer in a few hours before us.

The second house was more expensive but it was beautiful. Again, we lost out on it by just a few hours. Instead we asked the builder to recreate it on another lot.

Our home is wonderful. It's very comfortable. The worst part is the development, but our neighbors are great. Because of our large down payment our mortgage is not bad at all. Actually, our taxes are more than our mortgage. That hurts.

My husband and I have great jobs. We have completed 20 years at each of our employers. One would think we would have money to spare... I wish!

In reality, we are in great shape financially. We have saved in retirement accounts for over 20 years. Our mortgage is low. We have no credit card debt. Then why is there so little left after payday?

In my next blog I'll ramble some more on this aggravating situation.