Bye, Fishy Fishy

Albert died today.

By fish standards, he was an old man (or woman, who knows). We bought him about two years ago along with ‘Crystal’. They lived happily together for only a short while. Unfortunately, Crystal died a few weeks later. My daughter was distraught since Crystal was really her fish. So we went to the pet store and bought ‘Crystal 2’.

It wasn’t meant to be. Shortly after, Crystal 2 also died. I don’t think Albert was fond of company. He thrived alone month after month.

It was getting quite annoying cleaning the tank every few weeks. I would have to take everything out and scrub it well. Albert would vacation in a large pretzel jar during the housecleaning. After a while, we realized that a five gallon tank was a little over the top for one fish. I then decided to downsize and get a one gallon tank. That was last winter.

Albert seemed quite content in his little condo. We were able to put him on our desk instead of the large metal stand. We could look at him when we sat at the desk, and he could look back. Actually, he couldn’t see us, but we liked to pretend that he could.

Several months ago, he began acting differently. His body seemed to curl funny, and he would float to the top. The kids got very upset thinking that Albert was going to meet the same fate as Crystal and Crystal 2. Hubby and I went to bed knowing that we would have to break the news to the kids the next day of Albert’s demise.

The next morning, I went downstairs fully expecting to see his curled little body floating on top of the water, his eyes expressionless. Instead, I saw him happily swimming along as if nothing had happened. He had defied the odds.

This happened several times over the next few months. No sooner would we call him a goner, and he would act like nothing happened. I think he took great pleasure fooling us that way.
It reminded me of several years ago when my uncle was quite ill. He had been in and out of the hospital for a long time. Each time he went in, my mom would say, “I don’t think he’ll be coming out this time”. We just knew the end was near.

One day, my sister and I came home after work. My mom came up to us and said, “Uncle Stevie’s gone”.

We stood there in disbelief. We had never thought it would really happen. Tears started forming in our eyes.

“When did he go?” we asked.

He just left here to go home a few minutes ago.

Albert had become the new Uncle Stevie.

Yesterday, Albert started his contortions again. His fins would move, but he was still curled up and sideways. We had the bubbler going on the tank and his little orange body would get tossed around by the water. I unplugged the bubbler to prevent any further humiliation. Then he would slowly float to the top, move his fins a little bit in midair and sink. Suddenly there would be no movement.

“Mom, is Albert dead?”

“I don’t know guys”, I said carefully. “Let me see”.
I looked carefully at Albert. His body was curled and his fins were still. Upon closer inspection, I could see his gills moving.

“No,” I replied, “He’s still breathing”.

Now you could see why we called Albert ‘the fish that would not die’.

I checked him all evening. I would see a fin occasionally move, or a gill open and shut. Finally I went to bed knowing that in the morning I’d have to break some bad news to the kids.

This morning, I came downstairs to find Albert still alive. He was swimming sideways between resting. He would then become still for a while only to show signs of life later.

At noon, I came home after taking my son to the dentist. Looking at Albert, I could tell that he was still breathing. He wasn’t giving in very easily. I knew we were in for another of round of ‘Albert’s dying”.

Later this afternoon, I came home from work. My children greeted me at the door.

“Albert’s dead”, my daughter told me.

Yeah, right!, I thought.

Looking at the tank, I found no signs of Albert. “Where is he?” , I asked.

“Daddy buried him in the front garden already.”

I couldn’t believe it. Albert, the ‘fish that would not die’, actually did. It defied all logic. I thought he was going to be in that tank for years, just taunting me by staying alive. However, the tank was really empty. The kids went about their business when my husband came into the house.

“ I can’t believe Albert finally died!” I said to him, “I was here at noon and he was still breathing. Did you check to see if his gills were moving?” I asked.

Hubby ‘s cereal spoon suddenly stopped in midair. He looked at me and paused.

“If they were, they aren’t anymore”.

Can you say ‘Fish Murderer’?