Who's the Parent?

Last week I personally experienced something that I had only heard about. It's starting to happen already...

For years I have made sure my kids had everything they needed. While at daycare I made sure there were enough diapers and spare clothes in case of accidents. In winter I doled out boots and mittens quickly before they ran out the door. My goal in the morning was to ensure that they had their backpacks and lunches and homework etc.

The weather started getting colder here in the last month. One morning I was in a hurry to get the kids across the street so they could catch the bus with my neighbor's kids. My car was in the garage and I ran in and out of the house with the things I would need for the day; purse, lunch, keys blah blah blah. My son was putting on his shoes in the entryway while I climbed into my car. I don't leave until I know they are safely across the street.

Soon my son emerged from the house. He was holding something in his hand. I had heard people say that as we get older we experience role reversal with our children. I was just surprised it was starting so early.

"Mom", he said, coming towards the car, "you forgot your coat".

The Candy Lady

My husband's parents died before we started dating. After we had our children my mom and dad were the only grandparents they had. My dad passed away in 2003 and now my mom is their only grandparent.

She is so good to the kids. They'll stay over and she'll take them out to breakfast. She cooks some things for them that I do, but her versions are much better. If there is a game of some kind or competition she'll be there. After my dad died, we'd force her to go on vacation with us. When she gave us a hard time, my kids wouldn't take no for an answer. They'll have great memories of her.

My grandmother was quite different.

She was my mom's mother and lived next door to us all of my life. My grandfather died in 1973 so we also only had one grandparent. She was not one to babysit us; her patience was non-existent even though we never caused trouble. Her sister, my great aunt who lived on the other side of us, would come over and watch us. We never knew any different so it didn't matter.

My grandmother showed her love in different ways. She would take us shopping quite often and buy us clothes. Again, her patience was not her forte, and I learned to try on clothes at super speeds before she started yelling.

My oldest sister was born in 1954. My other sister arrived in 1960 and soon after I was in the making. I remember my mom telling me that, when she got the news, she went next door to tell my grandmother the news since she was so excited. After she gave the news, my grandmother yelled at her and told her how foolish she was. Her favorite saying was "..what you don't have you don't miss". My mom went back home crying. At first this looks like she was a mean woman, but when you look at her background you can see why.

She was brought up in a farmhouse a few doors from where we live. In the early part of the century there were many struggles just to survive. She was one of 13 or 14 children (give or take), and knew how much work it was. Back then, the older children took care of the younger ones. In addition, her brothers and sisters had to work on their farm and also other farms in the area.

When she was older the nation was going through the Great Depression. It was during this time that she became obsessed with food. I remember that as soon as one meal was finished, she'd be planning what we'd have for the next meal. She treated food like a god I guess because it was so scarce back then.

Anyway, looking through her eyes, I can see her point. However, she forgot that some people really like kids and could afford them. Once I was born, she liked me.

Fast forward to 11 years ago.

I announced my pregnancy to her one day when I went to visit.

"What did you go and do that for?", she demanded. "You had it made! Good jobs and a nice house. You know, what you don't have you don't miss. What you don't laugh over you don't cry over." I just laughed at her knowing that was the reaction to expect. After she saw that I wasn't sorry she got used to the idea.

Three years later our daughter was born. We had a birthday party at my mom's house. My birthday and my grandmother's birthday were only one day apart. Our daughter was only 4 months old. My husband knew that my grandmother didn't handle kids well at all. He took our daughter over to her and started putting her in my grandmother's lap.

"NO NO!!!", she yelled, "Take it away!! I'm going to kill you!" Of course my husband didn't give up. She had to hold the baby. The look on her face was one of pure terror. She froze. Everyone was quite amused and, after my husband took the offending baby away, she even laughed.

A few years later, my kids would go over to her house to say hello. They'd always come back with lots of candy. My grandmother had a whole drawer in her kitchen filled with candy. To her, it was one of the basic food groups. Even as a child I remember going over and getting lots of candy.

In her later years, we would go over to visit and get our candy. She started hugging us good-bye as we were leaving. I'm not a huggy person and was quite surprised because she usually wasn't either. My kids would thank her and hug her good-bye.

My grandmother died 4 years ago. She was 91 and had been active and busy until the cancer showed up.

To this day when my kids refer to her, they always call her 'The Candy Lady'.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

My son has found my blog.

He is now helping me create this post. I naively forgot that he can now read and find my blog in my 'favorites' file. Duh. Oh well, here goes....

Hi! My name is 'rubber chicken'. (Remember; he's 10). And I also like to say "I like cheese. I'm spreading around the nation. My friend 'monkey-boy' is helping me. Anyway, enough about cheese. Today at school me and my friend, 'monkey-boy', started coming up with punchlines. His is 'Weezy, squeezy, peezy... I don't remember the rest.' And mine was 'Your mom'. It works pretty well, like last year these girls who talk about health too much started saying something that I can't remember and I said, after that, "Your mom". It sounded like she was offended, so I was happy. I knew it would work. And mom, sorry if you're offended. Anyway, I have to go now because it's past my bedtime and all I want to do in life is please my parents and do as they say. [Yeah, I (mom) wrote that part because it IS bedtime]. Actually it is 6 minutes BEFORE my bedtime.

Hi again, it's been about a month since I wrote the paragraph above. Anyways, I've been doing a lot over the past month. Ummm..... . I'm thinking of a weird commercial about my credit score. Guess what the guy's credit score is? 720!!!! Ha ha! My mom wants me to think of a story. There once was a rabbit named Bob. The end. There you go, Mom!!!!!!

I'm back (mom). Is he a blogger in the making, or WHAT?????

I Do

Sixteen years ago today we stood in our church and got married. It seems like yesterday, but when I look at the pictures I can tell that we were much younger. Our nieces and nephews were children and toddlers. Today they are all grown. Our friends and families were smiling and laughing. Many of the people that were at our reception are gone now. I remember not being nervous at all. There was no doubt in either of our minds that we were meant to be together. The day went by without a glitch, but even if the sky fell down I didn't care. We were celebrating a committment we made with everyone around us that we loved.

My husband is not one to go to great lengths to be romantic. I'm glad! I never got into the fancy schmancy romantic dates and sappy words. It made me comfortable to be with him because he was my best friend for so long.

His proposal the year before was so typically 'him'. Hubby has had a love of cars forever. Our house is filled with car magazines and there's a good chance that every day he will tell me about a new car model he's seen or heard about.

One sunny Saturday in 1990 I got out of work and went over to his house. As usual he was in his driveway washing his car. We chatted about the day as I watched him concentrate on every square inch of the second love of his life.

"Do you want your birthday present now?" he asked. He's like a little kid with presents. He can't wait to give and open presents. I agreed even though my birthday was more than a week away. A few months before I had bought his car from him since he was planning on getting a new one. The only thing missing from it was a CD player. I was hoping it was waiting for me.

"Go in the kitchen. It's on the table".

I walked into the house and there on the table was a wrapped present. I started getting so excited because it was shaped like a CD player box and was quite heavy.
I took it outside to open it. He watched me out of the corner of his eye as I unwrapped the package. Sure enough it was a CD player box. I was so thrilled since it was what I really wanted.

"Thanks so much! I'm so excited!" I exclaimed.

"Open the box", he insisted. I didn't know why I had to since I knew what it was, but I did anyway. Inside the box lay a pair of plyers. I looked up at him wondering what he was up to.

"Oh. Thank you", I said not quite knowing what to say. "They're lovely".

He came over and took the box from me. In the corner was a small cardboard box which had supposedly held part of the CD player that did not exist. He opened that box to reveal a little black velvet box.

I began to shake. I took the small box from him and opened it. Inside was a beautiful sparkling diamond ring He took it out of the box and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes quite enthusiastically. He then put the ring on my finger and went back to washing his car.

I can't imagine him proposing any other way. A romantic dinner at a restaurant would have been nice, but it wasn't us. His driveway was perfect. It symbolized the life we loved; house, cars, each other.

Sixteen years ago we made the committment permanent. Although we have weathered some difficult times, like everyone, there was never any doubt that having each other to lean on was a precious gift that we will have 'until death do us part'.

Where Has My Little Dog Gone?

I'm pretty new at this blogging thing. I've noticed that I get long-winded (or long-typing) on every blog. I have to learn that it doesn't have to be so long. I'm going to try right now.

We have two dogs. We originally had one that I'll refer to as 'white dog'. He's been with us for 4 1/2 years. It was after my dad died that I felt I needed a sympathy dog. There is a long story associated with this that I might go into at a later time. Anyway, white dog is the best dog in the world. He's friendly to everyone and is especially gentle with children.

This year I experienced a bit of temporary insanity. I had fallen in love with my friend's little brown dog and asked my husband if I could have one. In another bit of temporary insanity he said yes. Little brown dog is sweet too except that he is difficult to housebreak. He's also very curious.

I bring my dogs to work with me everyday. Today, however, white dog is at my mom's house since he has a grooming appointment tomorrow. Little brown dog is walking in circles (yes; since he has to pee), but also because he's lost without white dog. My mom told me this morning that white dog is the same way.

I'm feeling so bad for them. If hubby was here, he'd give me a funny look and remind me that they are just dogs.

I don't know. I feel that an apology and a treat are in order.

Some Things Never Change

It's amazing how things have changed since the 1950's for women. Years ago, the husband was 'in charge' of the house. They worked 8 hours a day and their wives took care of the home and children. In my family this was almost always the case. My grandmother was ahead of her time being a supervisor at a company near here. My grandfather worked nights and slept all day. It was still her responsibility, however, to have dinner ready every night and keep the house clean. Since she was working too my mother started cleaning and cooking at a very early age. My grandfather would come home only to sleep and eat. My grandmother and mother did the rest.

After my parents were married they built a house on the lot next door to my grandparents. My father was an excellent carpenter and did almost everything himself along with his brothers. My mother was taking care of my sister who was just a toddler. She also cooked for all of the workers, cleaned my grandmother's house where they were temporarily living, and worked two jobs. Years later, my father constantly let her know how she didn't care about him because she didn't go to the worksite often and keep him company. My dad was unfortunately clueless. Knowing my mother, she probably DID go over, but he had selective memory.

Years later after my other sister was born and I came along a year later, mom went back to school to become a teacher. She started teaching full time when I was in kindergarten. We got out of school at 2:00 and she would go home cook and clean and make sure the house was presentable before my father came home. She had a hot meal prepared every night but had to wait until he relaxed from work to serve it. If it was cold he would get angry. She couldn't win but never complained.

I still don't understand after all of these years how she didn't get mad and serve him cold food. But back then, it was easier to keep the peace at any cost. It didn't make sense to me which was surprising since it was all I knew. Don't ask me how, but I was born with high self esteem and couldn't believe she put up with it.

My husband is so much different from my father. When I told him I hated to cook, he couldn't criticize since he hated it too. He never 'expected' me to do certain things; we just worked together to keep the house going. Though it is still difficult for me, I will ask him for help when I have to.

My mother still cracks me up.

Ever since we've been married, she tiptoes around my husband not wanting to bother him. There are things around the house that need fixing and, since my father died, hubby is the logical one to ask. There's not much he can't do.

Instead of asking him straight out, she'll talk to me first.

"Do you thing hubby will mind if I ask him to check the lawnmower?" she'll say. This is a woman who has helped us through the years watching the kids, cooking for us, and numerous other things. I'll laugh and tell her to ask him. I eventually have to ask him so he won't get 'mad' at her.

This summer at camp, she came up to me and asked if hubby would mind if she made a nice dinner for us. I'm not kidding. She wanted to make us a nice roast beef dinner with potatoes and all the fixings. Granted, hubby is a little strange with meals. He doesn't like a lot of fuss. But I love having her cook for us. She really enjoys it too but is very cautious with hubby.

"Mom", I replied, "you don't have to ask. I would love you too make it and if he doesn't want it, too bad".

We have to make sure the man is happy.

That same week I painted the front wall in the new camp. I was on an extension ladder 28 feet in the air for quite a while. First I had to prime the walls and then paint. It was extremely scary being up that high, but I just didn't look down. After two days up there it was done.

The next day hubby wanted to install the spotlight at the outside peak of the same wall. Mom told my nephew to be near him while he climbed the ladder and installed the light 'just in case'. Her face was white as she watched him climb. It was only when he was done that she could relax.

"You know," she said, " hubby was really scared up there, the poor guy".

"Mom," I said with disbelief on my face, "I know he was, but I was up that high for two days, terrified of falling".

"Well, yeah, but he was outside".

That was different, why??????

I love to tease her about it. Our job as women is to make sure our men don't have any unnecessary stress, according to the older generation. My husband and I are partners. We both take care of the house and kids. He gets home from work before me and, when I get home, the kids have already done their homework. The washer and dryer are running and occasionally dinner is cooking. I usually do the grocery shopping, but sometimes when I'm short on time, he'll go. I tell people that he's the best wife a woman ever had.

I just wish my mom would be a little less chicken around him.