It's amazing how things have changed since the 1950's for women. Years ago, the husband was 'in charge' of the house. They worked 8 hours a day and their wives took care of the home and children. In my family this was almost always the case. My grandmother was ahead of her time being a supervisor at a company near here. My grandfather worked nights and slept all day. It was still her responsibility, however, to have dinner ready every night and keep the house clean. Since she was working too my mother started cleaning and cooking at a very early age. My grandfather would come home only to sleep and eat. My grandmother and mother did the rest.
After my parents were married they built a house on the lot next door to my grandparents. My father was an excellent carpenter and did almost everything himself along with his brothers. My mother was taking care of my sister who was just a toddler. She also cooked for all of the workers, cleaned my grandmother's house where they were temporarily living, and worked two jobs. Years later, my father constantly let her know how she didn't care about him because she didn't go to the worksite often and keep him company. My dad was unfortunately clueless. Knowing my mother, she probably DID go over, but he had selective memory.
Years later after my other sister was born and I came along a year later, mom went back to school to become a teacher. She started teaching full time when I was in kindergarten. We got out of school at 2:00 and she would go home cook and clean and make sure the house was presentable before my father came home. She had a hot meal prepared every night but had to wait until he relaxed from work to serve it. If it was cold he would get angry. She couldn't win but never complained.
I still don't understand after all of these years how she didn't get mad and serve him cold food. But back then, it was easier to keep the peace at any cost. It didn't make sense to me which was surprising since it was all I knew. Don't ask me how, but I was born with high self esteem and couldn't believe she put up with it.
My husband is so much different from my father. When I told him I hated to cook, he couldn't criticize since he hated it too. He never 'expected' me to do certain things; we just worked together to keep the house going. Though it is still difficult for me, I will ask him for help when I have to.
My mother still cracks me up.
Ever since we've been married, she tiptoes around my husband not wanting to bother him. There are things around the house that need fixing and, since my father died, hubby is the logical one to ask. There's not much he can't do.
Instead of asking him straight out, she'll talk to me first.
"Do you thing hubby will mind if I ask him to check the lawnmower?" she'll say. This is a woman who has helped us through the years watching the kids, cooking for us, and numerous other things. I'll laugh and tell her to ask him. I eventually have to ask him so he won't get 'mad' at her.
This summer at camp, she came up to me and asked if hubby would mind if she made a nice dinner for us. I'm not kidding. She wanted to make us a nice roast beef dinner with potatoes and all the fixings. Granted, hubby is a little strange with meals. He doesn't like a lot of fuss. But I love having her cook for us. She really enjoys it too but is very cautious with hubby.
"Mom", I replied, "you don't have to ask. I would love you too make it and if he doesn't want it, too bad".
We have to make sure the man is happy.
That same week I painted the front wall in the new camp. I was on an extension ladder 28 feet in the air for quite a while. First I had to prime the walls and then paint. It was extremely scary being up that high, but I just didn't look down. After two days up there it was done.
The next day hubby wanted to install the spotlight at the outside peak of the same wall. Mom told my nephew to be near him while he climbed the ladder and installed the light 'just in case'. Her face was white as she watched him climb. It was only when he was done that she could relax.
"You know," she said, " hubby was really scared up there, the poor guy".
"Mom," I said with disbelief on my face, "I know he was, but I was up that high for two days, terrified of falling".
"Well, yeah, but he was outside".
That was different, why??????
I love to tease her about it. Our job as women is to make sure our men don't have any unnecessary stress, according to the older generation. My husband and I are partners. We both take care of the house and kids. He gets home from work before me and, when I get home, the kids have already done their homework. The washer and dryer are running and occasionally dinner is cooking. I usually do the grocery shopping, but sometimes when I'm short on time, he'll go. I tell people that he's the best wife a woman ever had.
I just wish my mom would be a little less chicken around him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
It's funny to think of anyone tiptoeing around your husband since he's NOTHING like your father.
Thank goodness things will be different for our kids.
What I always remember about your family is how meticulously your mother had you do everything. Like after you opened each gift at a birthday party you (or sister with the beach name) would carefully remove the tape and fold the wrapping paper along the original creases so it would be still perfect to wrap the next gift.
My parents were so different. Although my father worked long hours and my mother stayed at home, there was never any expectation on his part that things would be "just so" when he got home at night. He did a lot of the cooking, and did all the clearing and loading of the dishwasher. They were wealthy, though, and a lot of work got "outsourced": the cleaning, the laundry, the yard work. I grew up spoiled. Too bad I'm not rich like they were.
Post a Comment