The Candy Lady

My husband's parents died before we started dating. After we had our children my mom and dad were the only grandparents they had. My dad passed away in 2003 and now my mom is their only grandparent.

She is so good to the kids. They'll stay over and she'll take them out to breakfast. She cooks some things for them that I do, but her versions are much better. If there is a game of some kind or competition she'll be there. After my dad died, we'd force her to go on vacation with us. When she gave us a hard time, my kids wouldn't take no for an answer. They'll have great memories of her.

My grandmother was quite different.

She was my mom's mother and lived next door to us all of my life. My grandfather died in 1973 so we also only had one grandparent. She was not one to babysit us; her patience was non-existent even though we never caused trouble. Her sister, my great aunt who lived on the other side of us, would come over and watch us. We never knew any different so it didn't matter.

My grandmother showed her love in different ways. She would take us shopping quite often and buy us clothes. Again, her patience was not her forte, and I learned to try on clothes at super speeds before she started yelling.

My oldest sister was born in 1954. My other sister arrived in 1960 and soon after I was in the making. I remember my mom telling me that, when she got the news, she went next door to tell my grandmother the news since she was so excited. After she gave the news, my grandmother yelled at her and told her how foolish she was. Her favorite saying was "..what you don't have you don't miss". My mom went back home crying. At first this looks like she was a mean woman, but when you look at her background you can see why.

She was brought up in a farmhouse a few doors from where we live. In the early part of the century there were many struggles just to survive. She was one of 13 or 14 children (give or take), and knew how much work it was. Back then, the older children took care of the younger ones. In addition, her brothers and sisters had to work on their farm and also other farms in the area.

When she was older the nation was going through the Great Depression. It was during this time that she became obsessed with food. I remember that as soon as one meal was finished, she'd be planning what we'd have for the next meal. She treated food like a god I guess because it was so scarce back then.

Anyway, looking through her eyes, I can see her point. However, she forgot that some people really like kids and could afford them. Once I was born, she liked me.

Fast forward to 11 years ago.

I announced my pregnancy to her one day when I went to visit.

"What did you go and do that for?", she demanded. "You had it made! Good jobs and a nice house. You know, what you don't have you don't miss. What you don't laugh over you don't cry over." I just laughed at her knowing that was the reaction to expect. After she saw that I wasn't sorry she got used to the idea.

Three years later our daughter was born. We had a birthday party at my mom's house. My birthday and my grandmother's birthday were only one day apart. Our daughter was only 4 months old. My husband knew that my grandmother didn't handle kids well at all. He took our daughter over to her and started putting her in my grandmother's lap.

"NO NO!!!", she yelled, "Take it away!! I'm going to kill you!" Of course my husband didn't give up. She had to hold the baby. The look on her face was one of pure terror. She froze. Everyone was quite amused and, after my husband took the offending baby away, she even laughed.

A few years later, my kids would go over to her house to say hello. They'd always come back with lots of candy. My grandmother had a whole drawer in her kitchen filled with candy. To her, it was one of the basic food groups. Even as a child I remember going over and getting lots of candy.

In her later years, we would go over to visit and get our candy. She started hugging us good-bye as we were leaving. I'm not a huggy person and was quite surprised because she usually wasn't either. My kids would thank her and hug her good-bye.

My grandmother died 4 years ago. She was 91 and had been active and busy until the cancer showed up.

To this day when my kids refer to her, they always call her 'The Candy Lady'.